Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools in a marriage, yet it's often one of the hardest to practice. Holding onto grudges and resentment can slowly erode even the strongest relationships, while forgiveness opens the door to healing and deeper connection.
What Forgiveness Is (and Isn't)
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting what happened or pretending it was okay. It doesn't mean you won't feel pain or that trust is automatically restored. Forgiveness is a choice to release the hold that the offense has on you—it's ultimately a gift you give yourself.
Why Forgiveness Matters
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. It keeps you stuck in the past, prevents healing, and affects your mental and physical health. Choosing forgiveness frees you to move forward.
The Process of Forgiveness
Acknowledge the hurt. Don't minimize or dismiss your pain. Recognize what happened and how it affected you.
Make a conscious decision to forgive. This is a choice you make, often before you feel ready. The feelings will follow the decision.
Release the desire for revenge or punishment. This doesn't mean there are no consequences, but you're letting go of the need to 'make them pay.'
Work on rebuilding. Forgiveness is the beginning, not the end. It opens the door for healing, but the work of restoration continues.
When Forgiveness Is Difficult
Some hurts are deeper than others. If you're struggling to forgive, consider working with a counselor who can help you process your pain and guide you through the journey. Remember, forgiveness is often a process, not a one-time event. Be patient with yourself as you heal.
Kemie Onadipe
Marriage & Relationship Counsellor
